Life Lessons and Ramblings

When I had my first son my mother in law told me to be ready because it's always going to be time for a birthday or for Christmas.  That time just zooms by and before you know it, it's his birthday, and then it's Christmas , and so on. She was right.  It's almost December.  November seems to be crawling by this year.  Which is working in my favor, because technically I am not late in putting my Christmas decorations up yet.  The boys are getting big, and want big things.  While my husband and I, we seem to look for less and less.  I can always find stuff to put on my wish list, but we tend to just get things when we want them or need them.  So I'm a bit of a hypocrite when I make my kids wait for special days to get new things, or go see a movie.  I am trying to get them to understand what things cost and how a night at the movies can be almost half of our weekly grocery budget.  A night at a restaurant, is the rest of said budget.  Buying a blu ray every time a new one is released is gas money for the cars.  It's a concept that my older son is grasping.  My younger son is beginning to get it.  We've started allowances.  They get paid for doing their chores and have to put some into savings, but the rest they can spend.  I'm wondering if they will buy each other gifts this year, or if it will be everyman for himself as far as cold hard cash goes.  I am a terrible spender.  I like things.  I grew up having things handed to me whenever I wanted them.  No was not in my parents vocabulary.  Which wasn't a good thing.  It led to bankruptcy for my father and hard lessons later for me.  I have learned and manage myself much better now but it's a constant struggle with myself.  It really seems that yesterday we were in college and planning to get married.  Now, a home, a boy in the navy and two preteens.  Time flies.  Here's hoping to more cohesive thoughts soon.  And here's to a lovely holiday season.

Looking at the Bright Side

A dear, dear friend is having surgery this week.  It's a big, big surgery.  The good news is that she should be fine after and she will have a fabulous rack.  The good news also is that she won't need chemo or radiation.  The bad news is that a dear friend is having a big surgery because she is one of two people who has ever been reported to be going through what she is going through.  2 out of 7 billion people. She describes it as shit luck.  I guess you could call it that. I can't even imagine how this is rattling her and her family.  I don't get to see her as often as I would want to, but when we talk it's like we just saw each other a few minutes ago.  We've been through great times in our lives and devastating times in our lives.  This is a devastating, yet ok time because what a traumatic event this is, but how fortunate that this is it (hopefully).  It reminds me of my husband and his crazy health things that happen.  Maybe this is one of those times when a greater force is making a person who does so much for so many take an imposed vacation.  Not that recovering from surgery is a vacation, but she will have people taking care of her, which I think she has earned. My friend does a lot, for her family for her friends and for her job.  It is this strange situation, much like my husband's issues, where though it is serious, it will most probably be fine once all is said and done.  She is eternally thoughtful and lovely and does not deserve to be going through this, but I am glad it is just this.  I love you my dear, dear friend and I know you will be fine.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Imagine what next summer will be like with your fabulous new rack.

Keep it Simple

What to write, what to write...I want to be sure to stay with the blog, so it's my goal to sit and write about something 5 days a week.  We shall see if that happens.  But the first step is having something to write about.  It's not that I lack thoughts or ideas, it's just there are too many.  Some silly, some serious, some maybe controversial so try to stay away from those just yet.

So, what to write about today?  How about the simple joys of life.  A morning workout with a friend.  A funny word from Brian.  Making Kevin laugh.  An appreciative glance from Ray.  The dogs and their crazy greyhound ways.  A beautiful pre fall morning.  A busy weekend topped by a baby shower for the latest addition to the Dusseault clan and his lovely Mommy to be.  Looking at one of my sisters - in - law and knowing that she is probably thinking the same thing that I am and laughing about it.  Looking forward to school drop-off because it means I get to see my mom friends.  Church, because the priest makes me think but doesn't force thoughts in my head.  Music, because it hits my soul and makes me laugh, or cry or just remember something that was tucked far away in the recesses of my brain.

What are you enjoying today?

Your Mother Must be so Proud

...is what I thought sitting two cars away from the light of a major intersection yesterday.  I thought this as a probably 14 year old "young man" led his friends across the street no where near the crosswalk and between cars.  I thought this as this 14 year old white boy with his "wife beater" top and white boxers nodded with a smirk at each driver sitting in traffic and said "hey what's up".  I know he had white boxers on because he may as well have not been wearing any pants.  He wasn't just "bustin' a sag", the waistband of his jeans were very carefully placed around the tops of his thighs, so yes, I could see his ass very clearly as he walked by.  Thank God everything was covered by those very white boxers.  And as he passed my car I looked at him, and he looked at me, nodded his egotistical nod in that  way only a teenager with this kind of attitude can manage, said "hey", I shook my head and said, "your mother must be so proud".  I don't get it.

"The only way past this moment is through it."

I found this title in my lists of posts, but apparently I never did anything beyond making a title.  The quote...I have no idea where it came from now, but it's a pretty good quote.  It's an important notion.  How do you get through a tragedy? Here is the answer.  You move through it.  You don't get over it,  you don't forget it, you move through it.

There is a family in my neighborhood.  A lovely family.  A mom and dad, a husband and wife, a man and a woman that when you see them, you just like them.  You don't even have to know them, you just feel like you like them.  Three little girls, three sisters, three daughters,  that smile and run and jump and just made you smile when you saw them.  A horrible accident has taken one of those girls, one of those sisters, one of those daughters away.  For now, normal no longer exists.  Life stopped for a while for this family. My God, how do you get it to start again.  How do you breathe when you can't find the air?  You look to the children.  The sisters, the daughters, the girls...I smile when I see them because for everyone who feels the pain for this mom and dad, this husband and wife, this man and woman,  the mere sight of the girls brings hope and joy and the knowledge that yes, life does go on. And I smile, because they run and jump and make you smile.  These girls, these sisters, these daughters, bring the love and joy only children can when such an unthinkable event happens.  These girls, these sisters, these daughters, these reminders that life goes on, tell us, ready or not...here we go, let's breathe now.

So, while I know that this family will never, ever get over what has happened.  I know in my heart that they will move through it.  And I know that that precious girl, that sister, that daughter, will help them move through it.  She will guide them like the angel she always has been, and they will find a new kind of normal that embraces her memory and keeps them moving forward.    This mom and dad, this husband and wife, this man and woman and these girls, these sisters, these daughters, this family, they will be ok.

The Joys of Incompetence

I have never done anything that has made me feel more incompetent, than be a mom.  I have a master's degree,  doesn't mean I am super smart, it means I worked for it.  I am good at what I do for work, by far not the best in my field.  I think having kids definitely interferes with my ability to pay attention to advancing myself at work.  That's a choice I have made though, I'd rather be able to stay home with a sick kid and help with homework.  It's an interesting balance of working and being a parent.  I work part time and often feel that I am being torn in many many opposing directions.

I have all the respect in the world for mothers who work full time and still manage to be present at their children's activities and help them with homework.  My gut tells me that they just make better use of their time.  They are more organized than I am.  It's easier to say that, than look at my lack of time management.  I'm really bad at it and often put housework and report writing on the back burner to.....nothing.  Sure I help with the homework and reports and go to games and activities, but I really waste a lot of the rest of my time on....nothing.  I have to change that.  I will change that.  

I find homework and projects awful.  Here's why.  My older son is a perfectionist, but not in a "wow that's a great report" kind of way.   It's more of a "please stop crying!  You can do this, just write something!  Write anything!" He can't start writing, he wants it to be perfect from the first letter, so he needs help.  I am the one he comes to because I am softer in my approach with this kind of thing. I am the one he comes to because I don't yell (mostly), however he doesn't think I know anything. This poses a problem.  When I make suggestions, he looks at me as if I have three heads.  I have come to the point where I tell him "don't think, just listen to me and write", and it works for now.

I was wondering last night, how does he see me?  Am I just the person who cooks and sometimes cleans and always shops?  Have I set this up because I send him to his father for answers due to the fact that he often asks me something when I am smack in the middle of another task which actually requires my full attention.  I have often said to him, "I do actually know how to do things, I've done everything you're doing and I did it well".  Doesn't matter.  So I sit here, helping him and feeling incompetent because he doesn't trust that I know what I am talking about ("Yes, I swear to God, one of mistakes on that Atlas is that Europe is way too big!  Fine, wait for dad to tell you the same thing").  I also sit here knowing in my heart that I have the skill set to help him and if I can just get past this disbelieving child, I may help him earn an A.  I may help him figure out how to just come to me and show me the final project and be proud of what he was able to do.

please, please listen to me

Pulled Pork (Oh this should have happened oh so long ago)

Many many months ago,  Island Girl and I spent a Sunday making pulled pork.  We had some fun taking pictures with the notion of a blog post, alas, poor Island Girl, the pictures sat and sat in cyberspace.  But here they are now.  Rejoice and join me on this journey to yumminess!  

Red onions sliced and placed on bottom of slow cooker

IPA beer and chicken broth

Pork loin, and dammit if I have no idea what we put on it

Everyone in the pool!

The pulling of the pork many hours later

Everyone back in the pool

The rolls....oooh and it looks like paprika may have been involved
at some point

looks good and I believe barbeque sauce
made an appearance in this step

Island Girl digs in

yum yum yummy

We thoroughly enjoyed our pulled pork.  A lesson has been learned.  If you write the post immediately, you will remember all of the ingredients.

time sure does fly...

Hey Ho Howdy,

Time sure does fly when you waste it.  A common theme among recent posts I suppose.  What's new here?  Well I continue to find new ways to avoid doing any productive work both in the house and at work work.  My most recent?  A trip to Disney and Universal that is soon approaching.  I am over the top excited for this. Of the four people in my home, I am the only one that has been there, and that was a long time ago. It eats up every brain cell I have.  I don't expect us to have anything close to a perfect trip, but I am expecting that we will have fun.

So what else?  Let's see....

The Nephew is now in the Navy.  Holy Crap! 

We went on our first big trip sans children to see him Pass in Review!!

The Nephew all handsome.  Well done Sailor!!

There was a parade and our newly crossed over boy scout walked in it!

There was a 10th birthday!

And an 11th birthday!

I tested for my black stripe in Tae Kwon Do!

The cursed spinning hook kick.  Just about did me in.

And he tested for his red stripe!

 And a baseball player was born!

Challenger League baseball is one of the most inspiring
 things I have ever seen

It's been a productive Spring and Summer so far.  Let's see if I can't get myself back in the swing of things here.  Happy day to you.

And now for something different...

I'm running to the yellow tent today.  Feel free to join me.

Mom what should I wear?...never mind

My fashion advice no longer carries much weight

I always fall for it.  Always.  "Mom, what should I _________"  And I offer my helpful advice.  And it's shrugged off.  Since Thing1 started first grade I have been falling for this.  Every time.  Although I have learned in certain situations that I need to preface my comments by telling him he will listen to what I say and follow my instructions without questioning because it will all go much better if he just goes along ( like the report he just got 14/15 on because I made him follow directions).

Today was not one of those days.  It's Spring picture day at school.  Yes, Spring picture day.  It's 30 degrees and quite the winter wonderland and they are doing Spring Pictures.  Anyway, the question comes this morning,  "What should I wear today for pictures?" I fell for it, and I offered my thoughts on what would look nice and I get this, "ummmmmm, I'm not sure about that".  I'm learning, I take it better now.  I mumble as I walk out of the room, "Well, just pick something out, you aren't going to listen to my suggestions anyway, I don't know why you even ask." I could probably drop the snark, it doesn't help the situation, but we both took it fairly well.  In the end, he picked out a nice outfit, and took my suggestion regarding the tuck or no tuck question, so that's something.

Wasting Time

So I have a new header for my blog.  But I can't put it up yet because for some reason, when I do put it up, it's very blurry. So apparently there is some kind of a glitch, I'm not the only person having this issue, so I won't put it up until the issue has been resolved.  Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's another reason for no good post yet.  i'm working on it though.  Got a pulled pork post and a renovation post...so hang in there.  I'm coming back soon.

It's Always Something

There is always something to get in the way of a blog post.  Too many ideas, not enough ideas, not enough time, too much time but not enough ambition, too many silly distractions, too many responsibilities, Grey's Anatomy.  Yup, many things get in my way.  If I got up at four in the morning I could get everything in that I want to, or perhaps if I used my time more efficiently I could get everything done.  I'm working on it.  No one's perfect right?  There's lots going on, I just can't seem to be able to write about it.  Nothing bad, all good actually, I just seem to be falling away from paying attention again.  So I'm a work in progress, as is this blog.  Hang in there, I'm sure I've got a good post coming soon!

Happy 2011

Here it is.  A new year.  Were you ready?  I was and I am.  Lots of exciting things going on this year.  The Nephew ships out in 10 weeks for the Navy.  That's very exciting.  Big fat trip to Disney world in the works.  That is super exciting.  That's all the excitement I ask for though.  Sounds like enough.

What's new so far?  I'm in the process of stopping caffeine.  Now that my iron is coming under control, I'm thinking I won't need the pickme up anymore.  It's not easy breaking that habit.  I'm a little tired and grumpy but I think I'll be ok.  I'll treat it like facebook, I'll give it a month and see what happens. I survived coffee out with the ladies this morning.  I got an Odwalla super omega drink instead.  See?  So healthy in 2011.

I'm planning on working on the food intake to make it more iron friendly.  Another reason to get rid of caffeine, it blocks absorption of iron, as do a lot of other substances.  So I'm paying more attention to what blocks, what doesn't block and how to balance it all out.

I've made resolutions for the boys, which in turn become mine because they require me to enforce instrument practice time.

I think 2011 looks good so far.  Hopefully it remains as relatively uneventful as can be.  That makes it nice and peaceful.

Happy New Year